This weekend has been long.
Friday I took the last Effexor I had. I knew that I had to get a refill that day or else go into withdraw. I would have just called my doctor earlier that week but the staff kicked me out of his practice because of too many no call no shows. (( Apparently they did this in October, but didn’t tell me until I called to make an appointment 2 weeks ago and when I mentioned my doctor had been refilling my meds she said, “oh he probably doesn’t know.” )) Not to mention the Effexor hadn’t really been working anyway for a couple months. I had spent Tuesday-Thursday night up late in the deep dark hole of depression or waking up on and off an anxiety filled mess dreading the morning. So my brother took the boys to West Virginia with him to visit my mom for the weekend which allowed me and my husband to go sit at the emergency psychiatric hospital’s ER from 7-1 am.
Now, I don’t know if you all have ever experienced a place like this but it was intense. The guards, the glass between you and the registrar, keys to unlock every door, you even got locked in the bathroom and somebody had to let you out. They first do an assessment with a nurse, she asked if I had been feeling suicidal and I said yes because that was the truth. Because I said yes they had to put me in the locked, secure area while I waited. Which Kind of terrified me. I have never been in a situation like that and I understand the concern and the protocol but i do think it was a little over the top for my situation. So I was taken through locked doors, strip searched (!!), changed into tan scrubs, and given a blanket. I felt like a prisoner and was really scared at the possibility of having to stay there. I will say as mortifying and terrifying as it was the nurses and staff were incredibly nice and comforting. The nurse even let my husband come back and let us sit in a room off the hall together so I wouldn’t be alone for hours with nothing to do but watch whatever was on TV in the adult in patient lobby. Visitors are allowed but they aren’t suppose to be there for hours like that, so she really was being accommodating and understanding. We played 20 questions and rock, paper, scissors. I don’t know what I would have done without him.
I think that hospital inpatient stays are awesome and a great resource, but being in that situation by myself made me worse. Even when my husband was there, it was all I could do to hold myself together. The nervous counting I do skyrocketed, i was suddenly really paranoid and anxiety ridden. I am 100% sure that being forced to stay in a facility would (at least at this point in my life) make Things worse. Anyways, at midnight I saw the psychiatrist. We talked , he upped my Effexor dosage and set me free. I will say I wasn’t completely honest because I was so scared of being stuck there. But he gave me some resources.
Saturday I slept really late, dealt with insurance problems with my medicine but finally got it.
Today, though, was nice. We had lots of good moments over the whole weekend but it was also just really stressful. I am so glad the boys were at my moms. They got to have a fun, awesome weekend and I got to fix myself.
I can’t say I’m feeling a lot better but I suppose I am getting there.
This is a picture of me and my husband from today’s adventure.